Overanalyzing, People-Pleasing, and the Fawn Response: How to Reclaim Your Energy
Ever catch yourself replaying every conversation in your head, worrying you upset someone… again? You reread texts, overanalyze someone’s tone of voice, and find yourself crafting the “perfect” response just to make sure everything is okay. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone and it’s not random.
You’re responding the only way you know how to tolerate this type of uncertainty: by fawning. Fawning is a trauma response where your nervous system works overtime to keep the peace and stay safe when you worry someone might be mad at you. This instinct often comes from experiences where your safety or connection depended on meeting others’ expectations or avoiding conflict. And yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, it’s confusing. And yes, it makes complete sense given your past experiences.
A Personal Story
Part of my work in therapy addressed how I was constantly worried I had upset my partner. Every little disagreement felt like a threat to my relationship. I would text and ask my boyfriend face to face multiple times asking if everything was okay and replay entire conversations in my head for hours.
At first, I felt ashamed of these behaviors. I called myself “too much” and worried that therapy would force me to confront things I wasn’t ready for. But as I continued working with my therapist, I began to see these patterns not as flaws, but as protective strategies. Ways my brain had learned to keep me safe.
Through therapy, I practiced self-soothing techniques, learned to name my fawn responses, and realized I could tolerate discomfort without immediately needing reassurance. Over time, I reclaimed my energy and started showing up in my relationships more authentically.
For me, noticing my fawning was the first step toward real change.
What Is the Fawn Response?
The fawn response is one of four primary trauma responses alongside fight, flight, and freeze. It’s often overlooked because it doesn’t look like outward aggression or avoidance; instead, it manifests as compliance, people-pleasing, and overextending yourself to meet others’ needs.
People who struggle with fawning often:
Overanalyze every interaction
Seek constant reassurance
Suppress their own feelings or needs
Avoid conflict at all costs
While these behaviors may have helped you feel safe in childhood or in volatile relationships, they can create patterns that leave you drained, anxious, and disconnected from your true self as an adult.
Why Therapy Helps
The good news is that fawning is treatable, and therapy is an excellent place to start. Here’s how:
Awareness and Naming
Therapy helps you recognize when you’re in fawn mode. Simply naming these patterns can give you a sense of control and clarity.Processing Past Experiences
Many fawning behaviors stem from early attachment wounds. Exploring these in a safe, supportive space allows you to understand your triggers and start breaking cycles of people-pleasing.Learning Regulation Strategies
Techniques like grounding, mindfulness, and breathwork help regulate your nervous system so you can tolerate stress without defaulting to fawn responses.Building Boundaries
Therapy gives you tools to assert your needs, communicate honestly, and maintain relationships without sacrificing your own well-being.Rewriting Relational Patterns
Through attachment-focused therapy, you can practice showing up authentically, asking for what you need, and tolerating the discomfort that comes with asserting yourself. Over time, this rewires your nervous system to feel safe without constantly appeasing others.
How to Reclaim Your Energy
Here’s a practical way to start using your energy differently:
Notice your fawning: When you catch yourself overanalyzing or seeking reassurance, pause.
Ground yourself: Try breathing exercises, sensory grounding, or movement to calm your nervous system.
Challenge the thought: Ask yourself: “Is this really dangerous? Am I safe even if they’re upset?”
Take small steps: Begin practicing asserting your needs or tolerating minor discomfort in low-stakes situations.
The more you practice, the more energy you reclaim for yourself. Precious energy that you can now use to feel grounded, tolerate stress, and learn new patterns of relating to others.
A Final Note
If you’ve found yourself exhausted from overanalyzing, people-pleasing, or worrying constantly about upsetting someone, it’s not a personal flaw. It’s a pattern that developed for a reason, and it can be healed. Therapy, especially relationship therapy and attachment therapy, gives you a safe place to notice these patterns, practice new ways of responding, and reclaim your energy.
Take the Next Step
You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you’re ready to start reclaiming your energy, understanding your attachment patterns, and building healthier relationships, I offer personalized therapy in New York for individuals struggling with anxiety, attachment, and relational concerns.
Book a therapy session with me today and start learning how to show up authentically, feel safe in your relationships, and use your energy for yourself instead of constantly trying to appease others.
